My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
