I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
