got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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