she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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