Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
