today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
