It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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