Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just want to make out with him forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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