On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
