While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
