So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
