So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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