I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
