Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
