Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
