Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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