Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
