he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
