I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
