I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
