remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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