Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
