somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
