just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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