she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
