Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
