Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
