i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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