I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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