Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
