I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
