I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
