How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize