Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
