i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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