I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I need a burrito and a hug.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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