its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
