When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
