I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
