I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
