is your mom at the bar?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
