Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
