I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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