I looked at my own cervix.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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