next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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