We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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