His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
