he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
