I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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