I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
