took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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