I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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