weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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