I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Randomize
