Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
