the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
