Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
