Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
