i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
