My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
