She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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