then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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