I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
