Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
