Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
