i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
